A GOOF PUNK MANIFESTO →
thetaxpayers: Hello friends! On the eve of the first annual Gathering of the Goof Punx, I was asked some very pertinent questions by a handful of the attendees. It went something like this: “Uh, so…what exactly is a Goof Punk?” “Yeah, is it, like, a goofy lookin’ punk kid?” “Wait, so am I a Goof Punk?” After…
Rick Santorum at the Jelly Belly factory →
Ugh. Looks like I have to stop eating Jelly Beans. Tis a sad day.
Sex for Procreation
Morality Teacher: The church recognizes that sexuality is something you are born with, but the reason that gay sex is immoral is because sex is supposed to always to be open for procreation.
Me: But what about if a woman is born infertile, is it just crap luck and she can't ever have sex either?
Morality Teacher: That's a little different, as long as she's open with becoming pregnant then it would be open to procreation and therefore moral.
Me: What if a gay guy was totally okay and open to getting pregnant? It's just as likely and the exact same thing.
Morality Teacher: ....I don't know man
Too Fast to Live, Too Young to Work
I’m the James Dean of the dole queue You’ve got to admire my cheek - Trying to work out how to live fast and die young On seventeen-fifty a week. A legend in my own cubicle All alone, never one of the mob I’m the James Dean of the dole queue A rebel without a job. —Mark Lamarr
I'm Comic Sans, Asshole →
“I am a sans serif Superman and my only kryptonite is pretentious buzzkills like you.”
THE SLUTS UNITE OATH
I believe that sex represents more than just the creation of children. I believe it is an enjoyable, healthy and a profound part of the human experience. I also believe that the responsible use of birth control is an essential component of a mature, civilized society. And if these beliefs make me a slut in some people’s eyes, then so be it. I will stand united with my fellow sluts, now and...
Apricot – A Short Film →
measuredoutincoffeespoons: APRICOT — A Short Film by Ben Briand from Moonwalk Films on Vimeo. “Do you remember your first love? … Do you remember your first kiss? … Do you remember? …” Absolutely stunning short film, from the cinematography, to the writing, to the music. I rediscovered this utterly magnificent short film yesterday. It just blows me away with its beauty in every aspect. ...
whizzing about: The Egg →
measuredoutincoffeespoons: By Andy Weir You were on your way home when you died. It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered… I have been obsessed with this for weeks since I found it again. I read...
I have an absolutely obscene amount of chocolate. If that is your thing, come find me and I’ll give you some.
might be my new reddit
robin williams since when are you homeless. →
and also why do I still love you and everything that you do?
why are we not married.
Why is it that in the land of 5 dollar packs I cannot find Turkish Royals?
This is why they call me a gangsta
Driving through Pennsylvania bumpin biggie in a prius.
Artisanal Pencil Sharpening →
never have I been more tempted to waste 15 dollars.
come on, bruce
I really don’t think you can cite your own work that many times in a paper.
Tears in a cvs aisle
The moment you realize that now that you’re in college your mom won’t be making you an Easter basket.
My shitty cell phone picture I took of Zappa while very stoned might be on the cover of the Bard Free Press. I always wanted to see my name in lights. Or at least my photo on the cover of a moderately popular college magazine.
The Man Who Quit Money →
Some days I dream of this.